I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
