we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
