I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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