He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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