There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize