im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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