Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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