..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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