I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
