Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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