She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
