So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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