dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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