she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You ruined the universe
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
