My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
