This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
