"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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