guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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