Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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