bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
