I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
