Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
