The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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