I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
