wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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