Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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