Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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