I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
third nipple confirmed
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
