You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
