My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
