In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
