Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
