I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
