she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
