Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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