I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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