Don't you send me to vm
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
