So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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