You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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