Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't deserve a penis
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
