Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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