I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
