i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
