Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
