I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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