I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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