Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
