I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
