She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Do vagina's smell?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
