last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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