Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
