I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
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every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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