The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
