I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
