At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize