I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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