Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You are the jesus of drinking
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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