We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My vagina is officially offended.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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