Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Too much gin, very little bucket
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
