she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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