he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
