so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
