Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I forget how to act sober
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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