I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I've blown a few things in my day
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
