my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She's the barista slut.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
