I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
