college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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