I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
