wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
