Your favorite bartender is back from prision
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
