He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
