New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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