you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
